News

The Onion
theonion.com > analysts-say-paramount-warner-bros-merger-offers-best-shot-at-sex-and-the-city-reboot-starring-teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles

Analysts Say Paramount-Warner Bros. Merger Offers Best Shot At ‘Sex And The City’ Reboot Starring Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

2+ hour, 40+ min ago  (318+ words) LOS ANGELES'Admitting that there were some significant upsides to the deal despite the concerns it had raised, analysts at the National Research Group reported Thursday that the upcoming Paramount-Warner Bros. merger offered consumers the best shot at seeing a'Sex And…...

The Onion
theonion.com > sam-altman-if-i-dont-end-the-world-someone-far-more-dangerous-will

Sam Altman: ‘If I Don’t End The World, Someone Far More Dangerous Will’

18+ hour, 13+ min ago  (115+ words) The post Sam Altman: "If I Don't End The World, Someone Far More Dangerous Will' appeared first on The Onion. Mailman Strongly Hinting He Wants To Be Chased Cycle Of Violence Running Smoothly Recently Discovered Egyptian Tomb Sure Smells Like…...

The Onion
theonion.com > mlb-umpires-replaced-by-lawn-chair-representing-strike-zone

MLB Umpires Replaced By Lawn Chair Representing Strike Zone

19+ hour, 45+ min ago  (184+ words) The post MLB Umpires Replaced By Lawn Chair Representing Strike Zone appeared first on The Onion. Mailman Strongly Hinting He Wants To Be Chased Cycle Of Violence Running Smoothly Recently Discovered Egyptian Tomb Sure Smells Like Mummies Wrong Spray Merely…...

The Onion
theonion.com > peta-urges-white-house-to-use-potatoes-for-easter-egg-roll

PETA Urges White House To Use Potatoes For Easter Egg Roll

23+ hour, 18+ min ago  (105+ words) Night sky gets a 4 out of 1,552 stars People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals is urging the White House to ditch traditional Easter eggs in favor of decorated potatoes at its annual egg-rolling event, arguing it would benefit both chickens…...

The Onion
theonion.com > report-decision-not-to-call-film-the-baby-yoda-movie-to-cost-disney-900-million

Report: Decision Not To Call Film ‘The Baby Yoda Movie’ To Cost Disney $900 Million

21+ hour, 23+ min ago  (562+ words) BURBANK, CA'Citing nearly a billion dollars of pent-up consumer demand for entertainment featuring an infant version of an already beloved character, a new report released Wednesday by Gower Street Analytics concluded that Disney's decision not to call its upcoming'Star Wars'film'The…...

The Onion
theonion.com > nation-likes-when-bib-has-picture-of-food-they-eating

Nation Likes When Bib Has Picture Of Food They Eating

1+ day, 2+ hour ago  (292+ words) WASHINGTON'Gleefully strapping the protective garment under their chins and clapping, the U.S. populace announced this week that they like it when their bib has a picture of the food they're eating. "Yay, our plate has lobster, and the bib has lobster…...

The Onion
theonion.com > new-season-of-bridgerton-to-feature-2-women-falling-in-love-breaking-up-forming-punk-band

New Season Of ‘Bridgerton’ To Feature 2 Women Falling In Love, Breaking Up, Forming Punk Band

1+ day, 2+ hour ago  (312+ words) LOS ANGELES'Insisting that such queer stories were too often excluded from period dramas, Bridgerton showrunner Jess Brownell confirmed Wednesday that the show's next season would feature two women falling in love, breaking up, and then forming a punk band. "Queer…...

The Onion
theonion.com > biggest-revelations-from-the-hannah-montana-reunion

Biggest Revelations From The ‘Hannah Montana’ Reunion

1+ day, 16+ hour ago  (149+ words) Last week, Disney+ reunited the stars of Hannah Montana for the first time since the series premiered two decades ago. Here are the biggest and most shocking revelations from the Hannah Montana 20th Anniversary Special. Billy Ray Cyrus was paid in…...

The Onion
theonion.com > funnybonesaw

Funnybonesaw

2+ day, 24+ min ago  (176+ words) The post Funnybonesaw appeared first on The Onion. Mailman Strongly Hinting He Wants To Be Chased Cycle Of Violence Running Smoothly Recently Discovered Egyptian Tomb Sure Smells Like Mummies Wrong Spray Merely Freshens Attacker Chardonnay Vomited Into NPR Tote Harlem…...

The Onion
theonion.com > thing-left-by-previous-tenant-still-in-corner

Thing Left By Previous Tenant Still In Corner

1+ day, 21+ hour ago  (203+ words) The post Thing Left By Previous Tenant Still In Corner appeared first on The Onion. Mailman Strongly Hinting He Wants To Be Chased Cycle Of Violence Running Smoothly Recently Discovered Egyptian Tomb Sure Smells Like Mummies Wrong Spray Merely Freshens…...